I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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