I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?