I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.