i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning