Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!