When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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