to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
