Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
