just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
