im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
