Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
