you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
