anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
