yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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