Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
