The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
