omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize