Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
