we have officially lost it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
