Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
