Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
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She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
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I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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