I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
