he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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