No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
