my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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