Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
