This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
