Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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