I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
