Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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