By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I still have a little drunk in my system
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
