Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
