I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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