i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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