Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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