i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
