we made out on top of his cat.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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