Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
