Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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