He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
