so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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