First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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