I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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