Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
