Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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