Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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