He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
