his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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