you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
