It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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