so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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