All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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