I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
