He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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