between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
