i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
