Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
