he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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