I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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