Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
