Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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