there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
