And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize