He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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