you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
